i've been thinking a lot lately about stuff and things. i'm not trying to be vague when i say that. i really mean 'stuff' and 'things'. material possessions. stuff. and things.
compared to most of the world, i have a lot. i want for nothing. christmas and my birthday have just come and gone. on both occasions i was gifted with many things that i wanted and some things that i felt that i needed. and this past weekend i got to go away with some girlfriends (yay!) to the world's (no longer) largest mall. i had a hard time buying anything. there wasn't anything that i really needed. that's not to say that i didn't make any purchases. there are some really good sales at this time of year, and i definitely partook of them. but i could have come home empty-handed and i would have been just as well-off. i don't need anything.
but my biggest fear is of losing something.
and by 'something', i mean my kids or my husband or someone else close.
i can't even think about what that kind of loss would do to me. i'm in too fragile a state. and i say that knowing that God may think differently and decide to test me; i constantly need to remind myself that God is not spiteful and that there is a reason for everything He allows to happen even though we may never know what that reason may be.
today would have been my dad's fifty-first birthday. we are approaching the fifth anniversary of his passing (valentines day), and yet the heartache of losing him still stings. i don't think my heart could handle more loss at this point.
we fill our lives with stuff and things, when really, the most important parts of our lives are the people who are in it. and i need to get reacquainted to some of those who are in my life. mental illness can make one a self-centred being.
praise God from Whom all blessings flow.
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