more than words

i'm already at my limit for today. 


on really good days, i max out around bedtime. my bedtime. on average days, the tipping point is at the kids' bedtime. but on days like today, when i've had no sleep the night before and neither did the baby... well, it's more like 3pm. 


i feel like i'm at a tough place right now, parenting-wise. that is not to say that other people don't have it rougher. but having a seventeen month old that doesn't sleep well and a three and a half year old (that should speak for itself) is far from easy. especially when we're cooped up inside on a cold winter's day.


when i hit my wall today, i snapped. i yelled. at dimples. i don't even know what for. he says to me, "what's wrong with you?!" and without thinking, i said, "your attitude is what's wrong with me!" he then picked up his doctor's kit, sat down beside me and said, "no really mommy. what's wrong with you? i want to fix you."


wow. shame/guilt/regret/tears/etc.


i had to tell him, "i'm sorry, buddy. mommy's brain is broken."


"i know that," he said. "i'll see what i can do." and he then proceeded to give me a check-up. he even checked my reflexes with a toy hammer.


i'm a work in progress. and apparently my reflexes are out of whack. maybe in the future i'll learn how to better react when i have no patience. in the meantime, it's good to have someone like dimples around to keep me in check. praise the Lord that he still loves me at the end of the day. three-year-olds are amazingly forgiving.